Fetishes can take on many different forms for each of us. What we enjoy is what makes us individual, unique and special. Once of the more popular fetishes that has appeared in recent years involves a simple strip of fabric. The collar.
While your pets might have a collar with a rather simple purpose, to hold a name tag, humans wear collars for a massive range of reason. These reasons can have varying levels of significance among different communities.
In its simplest form, a collar fetish is being sexually aroused by the wearing of a collar. This can be either wearing one yourself, or seeing someone else wearing them. In reality though, collars are much more complex, having a huge range of meanings to each person or couple using them. Each couple will have their own personal feelings, and they can be unique to them.
Without needing to go into too much of the BDSM detail, wearing a collar can be a fun thing to try in the bedroom. It can play a role in any bondage or roleplaying scenarios you want to try out. You could also wear one around your house, or even out and about. It doesn’t necessarily need to signify that you are owned by your partner, but feeling it around your neck can summon feelings of your partner, helping to relax you or make you feel more comfortable. Necklaces often given to partners can bring forth the same feelings, and in some ways, are very similar to collars.
Some collars are worn to denote ownership, much like they are with pets. Usually in this case, there will be a dominant partner and a submissive partner. The submissive partner will wear the collar, and it often bestowed upon them by the dominant. This kind of collar wear is a common occurrence within the BDSM community.
The use of collars in the BDSM community is very complex, and often open to raging debates on the correct use. For some, they simply represent when they are in a submissive relationship, and can be removed whenever they like to “end the relationship”. Others take it much more seriously, with some submissives wearing their collars permanently as a symbol of the relationship being for life. Almost all who wear collars though wear them proudly, expressing to the world that they are part of the BDSM community.
For the person giving the collar, it signifies ownership and protection. The dominant pledges to always consider their submissive’s limits, needs, and promises to treat the submission with dignity and respect.
For the wearer, receiving and wearing a collar is a pledge to always try to serve the master to the best of their abilities.
To people outside the relationship, the collar serves as a permanent reminder of the commitment the pair have made to each other. The collar to all parties involved is a serious, and somewhat romantic way for two people to show their commitment to each other.
The gifting of a collar can be very symbolic, occurring during an elaborate ritual sometimes akin to marriage and weddings. It can be part of a three-stage process, which some members of the BDSM community follow.
The first collar would be roughly equivalent to a pre- engagement ring. This collar signifies a relationship that is being considered, but could be removed at any point ending the relationship. Neither party would feel any ill will should this happen. It is usually called the collar of consideration.
The training collar is the next step. This is similar to an engagement ring. It signifies that a relationship has grown more serious, and the submissive partner is being trained to serve the dominant to the standard they expect. The relationship can still be broken at this point, but it is considered much more serious and emotionally painful.
The final stage is the slave collar. This is the equivalent of a wedding ring and signifies that the submissive has become formally submitted to their dominant. Some consider this collar to be permanent, and only able to be broken by the dominant partner releasing the submissive partner, but this will usually take exceptional circumstances.
While most types of contract can be broken by a failing of one party, the contract established by the collar is different. Should there be a failing, it is considered a failing of both parties due to the nature of the relationship. This means a simple break of contract is not enough to break a collar, and it takes something much more serious.
Similarly, to the progression from engagement ring to wedding ring, collars will typically become more elaborate as the wearer moves further through the chain. There are also specific colours that are appropriate to specific situations, although due to the highly personal nature of collars it can be hard to find a complete and agreed upon list.
Situational and Identity Collars
Those who are actively involved in the BDSM community may still wear collars even when they aren’t coupled with a specific dominant partner at the time. These can be for a specific gathering or situation, to symbolise that they are under the protection of another person during the event. Or they can be a symbol to others, showing that they are a part of the community and identify as a submissive, but currently are looking for a dominant partner.
Collars don’t always have to be as significant as this. Sometimes they are worn for very specific purposes, and only for certain lengths of time. This can be common with those who indulge in BDSM styled sexual play, or pet play, but keep it restricted to the bedtime. A submissive might wear a collar during a certain scene they perform with their partner, but once the scene is over, both become equals again and the collar is removed.
If you come across someone with a collar, it’s best not to assume anything. These objects can be very sacred to their wearers, with meanings that you might have never imagined. You can ask about them, but don’t be offended if the wearer doesn’t wish to discuss it. Never though, touch someone’s collar without consent. This is a sure-fire way to cause offence.
Whether you want to show off that your partner owns you, engage in some kinky play in the bedroom, or just let others know what you’re into, collars can be great. There’s literally thousands of options out there, so you’re sure to find something that fits exactly what you desire.